In the early days of telegraph, a blackboard was placed outside the office building and the operator would occasionally mark on it with chaulk the report of the coastal boats. A well known sea captain, who had not much education or not enough to read the steamer report, was seen one morning by a well known merchant wending his way to the blackboard. The merchant thought he would embarrass the captain and said, “What's on the board to-day, Captain?” “Chaulk”, replied the captain. The merchant went on his way feeling a wee bit defeated.
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Around the 10th September, each year, when bait was scarce and not much fish on the go, the fishermen would have a holiday while waiting for the fall fishing to begin. With plenty of rum from St. Pierre, there were parties and dances galore. The boys in their late teens assembled around the Central Stores where tickets would be made out for stealing the cabbage, turnip, carrots, and so on, and for the trip to the Sandbanks to kill a sheep. The tickets were put into a baking powder tin – a name of one of the group on each ticket. After a good shaking of the tin, each man took a draw. As the one who went to a beautiful garden down the harbour was just about to jump over the fence with his loot, he would be grabbed by the owner and brought into the house to face the ‘missus’, who was queen of the garden. Court would be threatened, but on finding their own boys in the gang, they were told to “go on me sons and get out of sight fast”.
Then came the kill at the Sandbanks. Each sheep carried around its neck a piece of leather bearing the owner’s initials. The killer would put this piece of leather in his pocket which often accidentally fell into the hands of the owner, and again court would be threatened. Again too many of ‘next of kin’ would be involved, and the gang would go as far away as Red Island to enjoy their lovely hot dinner and dance until the wee hours of the morning.
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At the mid-night service in the Anglican Church in Burgeo, the Rector was in the habit of asking the sidesmen, taking the collection, to give him a count of the congregation in order to give him some idea of how much bread and wine to prepare. The Treasurer, in passing the collection plates to the sidesmen, did not tell them to count as they went up the aisles, as he thought each man understood the routine. However, one man had not the slightest idea about this, and as each passed in his collection and the Rector bent his ear for the whispered count, 27, 32, 43, he whispered “Merry Christmas”.
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One evening, on the Government wharf in Burgeo after a bad day of rain and fog, the wind came from the west and it turned out to be a very nice afternoon. A man, standing by who had been home on a visit, said to the man in charge of the wharf, “Just look at that beautiful blue sky up there”, and the witty man in charge said, “Sure that blue sky was up there all the time”.
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When the firm of a big fish merchant was in its booming days of long ago in Burgeo, fish washing in the month of April was a big business. This fish had been under salt all winter. Uncle “X” had gone to the boss for credit, as he would pay it back at fish washing time. One of the brothers of the business, who apparently was the boss and about to leave Burgeo on a business trip, told the other brother to give Uncle “X” his molasses, flour, etc., on credit. As soon as the boss had gone, Uncle “X” came and got his molasses, etc., and it was charged to his account. However, before the end of April the boss had arrived back from his trip, and again Uncle “X” came for more credit. On examining the books he found Uncle “X” had got his credit as he had promised him, and going to his brother, said in a stern voice, “I thought I told you to give Uncle “X” that credit at the end of April?” “Yes”, said his brother, “but you never said which end”.
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In the month of October, in Burgeo, when men came from the neighbouring islands to square their accounts and get their winter supplies, the merchant had a good supply of flank beef. This beef was about eight inches square and very, very thin, in fact you could hold it up and see the light through it. The boss at this business firm said to one old chap, “You had better have a barrel of this flank beef as it is very cheap and the demand for it is great”. “Ah”, said the old chap, “that would be too much, sir, as there is only me and the old woman, so I’ll take twenty pounds”. Away went the old chap, and at the end of March he came back to the merchant for more flank beef. “Ah”, said the merchant, “I told you to take a barrel last fall and now it’s all gone”. “OH”, said the old chap, “I don’t want it to eat, I’m shingling my storehouse with it and I haven’t got enough to finish it”.
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In the early thirties, two men from Burgeo, sailing on a certain ship, went ashore one evening in the port of Halifax. They finally arrived in a restaurant; and not having much education did not bother to look at the menu. The waitress watched and waited for a while, then turned to the fellow nearest her and said, “What will you have, Sir?” He replied, being a bit embarrassed, “OH, I'm not particular”. Then turning to his friend, who was hard of hearing, said, “And what will you have, Sir?”. “Oh”, said he, “I'll have a plate of ticklers, too”.
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A certain schooner was docking in a Nova Scotian port, and the captain told the sailor to hurry and put the 'fender' over the side of the schooner to prevent the hull rubbing against the pier. The sailor ran to the cabin, took the fender from the stove and threw it overboard.
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When a certain vessel was nearing land after coming from as far away as Portugal, the captain would send a man aloft on the masthead to look out for land. After the man had been up there for some time, the captain yelled out and said “Do you see any land?” “No, captain", was the reply, “I do not see any land, but I can see two Islands”.
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Another captain sent a man on the bow to look out for Boar Island light. After many anxious moments had passed, the captain yelled out and said, “Do you see the light?”. The answer came back from the man on the bow, “Yes sir, it flashes two red and one black”.
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The Rector of the parish of Burgeo was one day standing by the rectory fence talking to a certain man when two ladies, who had not resettled in Burgeo too long, were passing by. The rector said to the old gentleman, “Who are the two ladies coming up the road?”. “That’s not two ladies”, said the old gentleman, “that's two women from Francois”.
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In the days of the 'hungry thirties', when employment was scarce and fish markets were bad, much of Newfoundland, including Burgeo, had to turn to Government assistance through no fault of its own. On one side of the harbour there lived a wealthy merchant who was not a bit worried over the hard times, and with all his buildings whitewashed it looked like a little town by itself. On the other side of the harbour near Firby's Point, with Christmas just around the corner and with very little to put in the children's stockings to gladden their hearts on Christmas morning, things were not looking so bright. On Christmas Eve, one old chap, who was inclined to be a bit witty, was walking along Firby's Point and looking across the harbour at the prosperous merchant's whitewashed stores with the moon shining down on them in all its beauty, took off his cap and said, “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem”.
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One of the Christian Brothers, standing on the deck of the coastal boat “GLENCOE” while docked at Burgeo, was met by a man from a settlement east of Burgeo and near the mainland. This man approached the Christian Brother and said, “Who might you be mister?”. “Well”, said the Brother, “I am one of the Christian Brothers”. The man piped up and said, “I've heard of Bowering Brothers, and Job Brothers, and Steer Brothers, but I've never heard of Christian Brothers; what price are you giving for fish?”.
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In the cabin of a certain vessel that was lying at the wharf in Burgeo, the captain was seen looking at the newspaper, and the paper was upside down. The man standing by said, “Captain, you got the paper upside down”. “Well”, said the captain, “any darn fool can read it the other way”.
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